Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sunday, April 24 - So much to write about

Happy Easter!

I promise now to actually update more often.  It's been a whirlwind of activity here.

Push 511 Crossfit - I have never in my life, ok, not since High School, have I worked out this hard.  These are total body work outs that would scare even the fittest athletes.  At least I didn't cry this week!  Yes, last week I cried.  :-)

Body Back - loving the group of moms!  Everyone is super supportive.  I did learn a lesson though.  You can not eat a large heavy meal before you work out.  I actually threw up a bit.  yuck!  So I did not get a really great work out that day - I was just queezy the whole time.

Food - well, I was on a great start - had 4 straight days of really clean eating - then we were prepping for Dylan's birthday party, and it all went down hill fast.  I once again proved (and I really don't need to keep relearning this lesson) that failing to plan, is planning to fail.  I had a busy week, Greg was gone, didn't get a chance to go to the grocery store, and I was eating whatever was around - and usually not the healthy choices.

So once again, I feel like I'm starting over.  I'm so tired of starting over, but here I go again.  To make another good go of it.  Time to eat cleanly, and feel better.

Will check in to see how things are going tomorrow!!!!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

April 13, 2011 - So much to report, so little time

So it's been a week since my last post.  SOOOO much has happened.  Let's do the break down:

1)  I have had 2 Crossfit work outs at Baltimore's Push 511 - I cried during the first one.  Yes, real tears.  Luckily I was sweating so much that I don't think anyone noticed.  Funny, it wasn't from physical exhaustion, though I was feeling that, I think it was just some sort of emotional release.  I was grieving the body I once had and was feeling overwhelmed with how far my journey was going to be.

I love the community there already.  Today I was working really really hard, and still was last and struggling and one of the other coaches came over and was literally my personal cheering section.  It really helped me power through it.  The work outs are intense, but feel so good afterwards.  I've been working out with just machines for a long time and this is such a better way to do it!  Psyched for my next work out.

Oh, did I mention I overhead pressed 60 pounds!  :-)  That was as much as one of the trainers - granted she's half my size - literally - but she's crazy strong.  So I feel really good about that!

2)  I started the Spring Cleanse with The Baltimore Health Coach on Monday.  Since Monday I've had no caffeine, no sugar, no alcohol, no processed foods, no gluten, no dairy.  I, luckily, had an acupuncture treatment Monday morning and seem to have avoided all of my normal withdrawal symptoms.  I feel pretty good and have definitely noticed that I don't have as many mood fluctuations.  I also feel more "even" and despite Dylan getting out of control with his Terrible Two Tantrums, I've managed to not react as I normally would.

This is meant to go on for a week - but I need to make it a part of every day life - with maybe a weekend splurge once in a while.  I feel better and I'm sure it will pay off soon on the scale as well.

3)  We have a full group doing Body Back.  I am so excited to be bringing this program to Baltimore and to be participating in it. 8 weeks of moms supporting moms to really push themselves.  The first class starts on Tuesday.

That's it for now.  I will make a better effort to post more frequently. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

April 5, 2011 - Luckily friends are there for you

I, at least for a few more weeks, own Stroller Strides of Baltimore City.  I sent one of my instructors to get trained for a new boot camp program called Body Back.  We're both excited about it and she told me about one of the inspirational stories she heard:

in the San Diego class, the instructors have the participants bring in inspiration boards - pictures that inspire you.  One woman brought in a picture of her two sons on a Christmas card.  Farel talked to her about it and assumed it was her boys that were motivating her.  BUT, the woman explained that that was not actually the case.  She brought in the card b/c she was not on it.  She was too embarrassed to put herself on the Christmas card so her body back goal was to get on the Christmas card.  Later on after completing the program and probably others she brought in her new Christmas card that had not only a picture of her with the family but also her by herself - TWICE!!  Haha, she couldn't decide which one she liked better so she put both on!  :)

So, of course, I've now cried again over this.  I could have written it.  For the first time this past Christmas, I decided to not include the "family" in our Christmas photo shoot.  What that really translated into was "mommy is way too fat to have permanent record of it, so we'll just let the boys take the pictures this year."  My poor Dylan is 2, and there are probably LITERALLY 5 photos of me with him.  WTF!  My poor kid is not going to look back at his childhood pictures and understand that - he's likely going to assume he's victim of the "I'm a second child and no one bothered to take pictures."

So add another goal onto the list:

Be in and be excited about family Christmas photo shoot.  So if you all get a Christmas card with just me on it - you'll know what happened!  :-)

With that little inspirational story I remembered how great it was to reach out to friends and get support.  So that's what today's little project was. 

I am so blessed.  Despite my little disappearing act (I've managed to avoid all social occassions outside of Baltimore for over a year now - even my husband's grandmother thinks I hate her b/c I've been absent so long) when I've shared my struggles, and this journey with friends I've had an outpouring of support and kindness and well wishes. 

THANK YOU for not giving up on me and for reminding me to not give up on myself.


Monday, April 4, 2011

April 4, 2011 - Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail

Though I was very well aware of the fact that I had very little time to get Leo from school and leave for my Crossfit orientation at Push 511, I spent my afternoon working instead of planning and cooking a meal we can all eat.  So what happens, I get to Leo's school and I start realistically calculating the time it still takes us to get home, get a 2 and 4.5 year old into the house, and into the kitchen, and cook and eat and leave to get there on time -not going to happen.

So, what do I do, go to the McDonald's drive through.  :-(  Bad for kids, bad for me!

The good news is, as I was eating it - I thought - this isn't very good.  And all evening I've been feeling the digestive issues it's been causing.  Funny, how I never noticed that before.

Lesson learned - the hard way.

Tomorrow's dinner plan - homemade breaded chicken fingers and green beans.

Today wasn't all bad - I went grocery shopping and managed to say no thank you to all of those previously tempting junk foods.  So I will hang on to that win today.

But most importantly, I am SUPER excited about Crossfit.  I'm still a little scared, but alot of the intimidation is gone.  Though for the most part, my starting point is way below what the "goal" is, I was really afraid I wouldn't even have a starting point.  Meaning - I couldn't even perform a modified version of the exercise.  And today proved that I am still good at some of the skills - I'm a GREAT squater!  and there is a starting point for me for even the most intimidating pull up.  They had to pull out the seldom used heavy duty rubber band to get there, but I got a few in that way!  I felt good.

I came home feeling really positive. The people I met there were super nice and supportive.  I was among some very athletic people and never once did I feel judged or ridiculed.  I felt people were genuinely happy to help me making positive changes in my life.

I feel like the physical aspect of my journey is taken care of so to speak.  There is a plan.  It's supported and easily executed (in terms of getting there) and all I have to do is for one hour per day work my tail off.

For me, I need to get some more support with changing my food habits.  More to come on that.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

April 3, 2011 - The Assessment

Yesterday I had my BOD POD test.  It is this space ship like machine that is able to, according to the research, accurately measure your body fat % within a 1% margin.  To be honest, I’m still a little bit in shock.  I knew how much I weighed, and dispite successfully managing to avoid a mirror for the last year, I am aware of what I look like.  However, even that knowledge did not prepare me for the fact that my body fat % is 47.  Now, I’ve never been a skinny minny.  I was pretty fit in HS, and varied in college, and had my highs and lows as an adult, but I can assure you, even at my fattest days, I still hovered around 30% which was bad enough.  47% is just beyond comprehension.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I suppose this is my rock bottom and things can only improve from here.

I go for my first orientation at Baltimore’s Crossfit gym - Push 511 - and I am scared out of my  mind, but really looking forward to it.

I’ve also decided, that my first step in my nutrition plan is to eliminate simple sugars from my diet at least 5 days a week to start.  For me, at least right now, I don’t know that it’s realistic to go without a desert for a full week.  

I’m still letting it all sink in, but realize this journey is not only necessary for my happiness, and self-confidence, but really and truly for my health.  I knew that, but now the point has been hammered in.

March 31, 2011 - The Decision

Today I woke with a very strange thought - I have a 2 year old.  I have 2 sons, and my younger one turned 2 yesterday.  His name is Dylan and because his older brother liked calling him baby since he was born, we all started calling him Dyl-Baby.  But he is no longer a baby, but even more significantly, officially gone is the excuse that “I just had a baby.”  Let’s face it, that was probably gone 18 months ago, but I was holding on to it.

Over the last 2 years, my health - physical and mental - has been deteriorating.  Like with all vicious cycles, one bad move led to another which led to yet another, and here I am, weighing more than I did 10 months pregnant.

It’s truly a sad, and seemingly hopeless place to be.

Yet, I have been putting different things into place to start a new vicious cylce - this time one that will yield positive results.  I am on this journey for as long as it takes to get healthy and happy.

Here is what I have done so far:

1)  Sell my business - for me, it was a successful business, but too much of a distraction as I focused too much time and energy there, and not enough (ok, none at all) on myself
2)  Joined Crossfit - PUSH 511 Baltimore - for an intense, and I’m sure rewarding 6 months.  I’ve already lined up child care, so I’m ready to go.  No excuses!
3)  I’m having my first full body assessment on Saturday, April 2 - scary.......  but must be done
4)  I have begun the journey to work with a couple of doctors to address the medical issues that I’ve been having
5)  I will work with a nutritionist to help me overcome some of my “obstacles” of healthy eating
6)  Committed to writing about my journey at least weekly
7)  Committed to publicly sharing my goals and progress over this journey - no pressure, right?

My goals:

1)  Be good to myself and make time to get healthy
2)  Be a great mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend
3)  Limit unnecessary distractions that would keep me from goals 1-2
4)  Learn to and start eating well again
5)  Push my self physically beyond my perceived limits 5-6x per week
6)  Lose at least 70 pounds of fat - stretch goal 6 months; goal 8 months
7)  Do 1 unassissted pull up before 2011 is over