Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Wednesday, June 1 - Time to be a kid again

I can't believe it is June 1, well, I guess I can since it is 100 degrees - literally - in Baltimiore.  Holy Hell!  In many areas of my life I am a woman of extremes, but when it comes to weather - if it could be 70 degrees year round I'd be happy!  :-)

Today I'm having 2 work outs.  I went to Crossfit this afternoon.  The work out was front squats - I made it to 100 pounds!   I like squats.  Did I just say that?  Yes, yes I did and I DO.  Then the fun started - jump rope and sit ups.  since I'm not quite there yet for "double unders" - what's that you might ask?  I asked the same thing.  You rotate the rope twice under your feet with each jump - ummm yeah!   So I needed to do 150 jumps, then 90, then 30.   As I was jump roping I kept thinking - there was once a time when I was REALLY good at this.

Just another thing to add to the list to work on.  :-)  But there is something therapeutic about jumping rope. 

Tonight I'm going to go to the Body Back work out.  We're doing a free demo for the summer session. We're really excited!  The 10 moms doing the program now are making such great progress. Our instructor is fabulous and the group is amazing!

I'm really excited to have a week coming up where I will be on my own.  Never thought I'd be this giddy at the thought of cleaning my house.  I will spend the week decluttering everything and working out and eating well.

Off to get the kids to bed so I can go to my work out!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Wednesday, May 25 - I RAN - ok, maybe run is a strong word

So I've been feeling a bit harried lately.  Wake up, get the kids ready, take Leo to school, do whatever morning activity I'm doing with Dylan, rush him home, feed him lunch, put him down for his nap, make sure he doesn't need me in there more than 5 min b/c I need to GO GO GO to Push 511 for my work out.  By the time I walk in I feel like I just really need to sit for 15 min and just be.  Well, no sitting around in a place called Push!

So I'm starting to feel at home in our 12:30 class.  People always rotate in and out of classes, but by now I'm recognizing most of the faces, and since I'm the unofficial mascot (the underdog everyone cheers on) they all know by name. 

We're doing the warm ups and Ardy mentions something about never posting work outs in advance and scathing emails...huh?  Did I miss something?  Better start warming up enroute to the WOD (work out of the day) board.  OH NO!  RUNNING.  That's it.  Just running.  Damn.

So despite my self-proclaimed great improvements in strength, and feeling better and better every day about conquering new things, I was not prepared for an all running work out.  You see ladies and gentlemen, in my best months, I was a mediocre jogger at best.  I have not taken to a pace faster than a speed walk in well over 4 years, maybe more.  Well, not unless you count the handful of sprints taken when one child or another heads into oncoming traffic.

Well, I was already there, what the hell.  Let's try shuffling, err, I mean running.

So 4 rounds of 400 meters.  400 meters is about 1/4 mile.  Ok, that's not bad.  So off I go.  I get to the half way turn around mark - damn, really, that was only 1/2 of a 1/4 mile?  But I did it in just under 3 minutes.  If I actually would have done all 4 rounds back to back I would have done a mile in less than 12 minutes.  That's very respectable in my book!  But of course in between rounds I took a 3 minute break to ease the hyperventilating that was ensuing.

But I did all 4 rounds.  I RAN.  I guess I need to start working on that every work out now.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday, May 20 - Friday

What else is there to say!  A blog follower pointed out that it had been 10 days since I posted.  I thought she was mistaken, I feel like I write every other day, but that's what happens when you spend most of your waking moments (and some times non-waking) keeping track of 2 boys under 5.  Last weekend feels like such a distant memory I'm having a hard time remembering where I was and what I did.

But there is certainly no point in looking backward, must look forward, except to update you all here.

I've been very remiss in telling you all about Terrific Tuesdays.  Every Tuesday for 5 weeks now I've had Sarah from Beaming Woman doing a chakra balancing private yoga session.  I really look forward to Tuesday afternoons.  I've never done private yoga before and it's so nice to have an hour a 100% focused on yourself.  I've noticed I'm much more relaxed after those sessions.

But speaking of looking forward, I'm really excited for the weekend.  It is ACTION PACKED!

First thing in the morning - a Body Back class with Kristin M.  I'm really looking forward to it b/c I've been missing my Tues/Thurs work outs due to child care issues.  The summer session starts June 21 and I'm really looking forward to doing the program fully.  Then I have 2 kids birthday parties and then the Orioles game with the kids. 

And if that wasn't enough excitement for one weekend, I am going to another Push 511 Crossfit work out on Sunday morning,  I can't wait to see what Kevin has in store for us.  Last time I went to a Sunday work out there was an insane obstacle course in the parking lot.

Have a happy weekend!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

May 11, 2011 - SUCCESS

Drum roll please.......I had my 1 month measurements today.   The first moment of truth was very disappointing - I had not lost one single ounce on the scale.  I was quite ready to abandon the box jump work out today.  But knowing I've been working so hard, I was hoping for some inches lost.  Back to the drum roll......a FULL INCH off each thigh and an inch and a half off the lower belly!

So in this particular case, I really have lost some fat and built up muscle.  I'm hoping to really focus on my nutrition this month and see some actual weight loss in addition to the inch loss, but frankly, if I had to pick between the 2, I'd pick inches any day!

I've been working on the spring cleanse with the Baltimore Health Coach.   I'm on day 3 with no sugar and I'm hoping to make that a mostly permanent thing  - at least until I'm more in maintenance.   I still crave sugar and starches like crazy, but do find that if I eat good fats that seems to subside a bit.

I am also very excited that today's work out was 400m, 30 box jumps, and 30 wall balls (prescribed was 5 rounds I did 3) I actually did all the box jumps (in the past I had done a few box jumps, then step ups - today only jumps!).

I've also decided that I need to reward all of this hard work with nutritious food.  I'm only making myself work twice as hard if I feed myself junk.

The next 30 days - really focusing on nutrition.

But for now, I'm happy with my lost inches!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sunday, May 8, 2011 - AHHHH HELL NO!

So today's is mother's day and despite going for a yummy, but starchy early breakfast, I still went to my first weekend Crossfit work out.  So every time I've ever gone we've done our work outs inside.  As I pulled in, I saw medicine balls, weighted plates, dumb bells, and kettle weights spread out all over the parking lot.   My first thought was "ahh  hell no."  I've been doing Crossfit long enough now that I knew this was going to be some sort of insane obstacle course.  I know I'm supposed to go there to push myself farther then I can push myself on my own, however, there is a limit.

Rats - someone saw me, and waved - can't sneak away now.  I was thinking a pedicure would be a much more pleasant way to celebrate mother's day.

For those not familiar, Crossfit puts the work outs on the board.  So as I'm doing the warm up, I'm reading - all partner stuff - hold a weighted plate over your head while your partner runs 800m - yeah right!  and if you lower the plate even for a second, your penalty is 10 squats.  That's the first of 5 stations.  There were also long jumps, box jumps, sit ups, kettle bell dead lifts, shoulder raises, and some other things I probably blocked out.

The nice thing about Crossfit, once you start, you can't back out.  You command your body to do what they tell you and you have to just get through it. 

In my wildest dreams, I never thought I could do a work out like that.  But I did.  I was back to last, but I did it.  Barely got out of the car my legs were so rubbery, but it feels good to push myself like that.

I definitely feel stronger - I'm improving in most of my strength measurements, but I'm still having a hard time with the food.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start another cleanse with the Baltimore Health Coach.  I'm hoping it sticks this time.  more on that tomorrow.

Time to enjoy my evening!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Monday, May 5 - I was not last

So today is probably the best day I've had in a month.   I was not last!  Now, for the most part, that sounds awful.  What kind of goal is that, really?  Not last?  That's a far cry from my normal over-achieving self. 

But today ladies and gentlemen, I managed to not be last, I wasn't even second to last.  When you see the athletes I train with, you will jump for joy for me.   It has become some what of an expectation, that I just aim to do the work out.  I don't look at the clock.  I don't really care that people are out on their 3rd round and I just started my 2nd.  I'm in my own little sweaty world, but today, wow, what a feeling.

I rowed 400 meters and did 50 squats - 4 times.  As soon as I saw the work out I instantly knew what my blog post was going to be "200 squats - WTF?!"  That's before I came in "not last" and that was even a bigger deal.

I feel like I'm rocking the work outs - in my own slow and steady way.  What I really need to work to master is cutting the unnecessary processed carbs and fruits from my diet.  Starting tomorrow, I'm embarking on a 30 day challenge to go without those things.  To really eat cleanly and from the earth.  I tried a few weeks ago, did well for a few days, and then I went back to my old ways.  This time I need to succeed - I WILL succeed.  But more on that later this week.

I can go to bed feeling very successful this evening.  Thanks Crossfit!

Friday, April 29 - The evil box

So - every time I go to Push 511 - the BOX stares at me.  Everywhere you look there are these wooden boxes - 16" , 20" , 24" - maybe more - not sure.  They make great step stools to reach the pull up bar, but what they are really there for is BOX JUMPS.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you're supposed to jump - both feet at a time from the ground onto the box - without falling over, falling off, or nose diving off the front. 

For weeks, I managed to avoid the box jump.  But today, that was the work out - walking lunges and box jumps.   I don't think I was ever so petrified in my life.  If you fail at a pull up, you just hang; if you do a bad squat, you just look funny, if you miss the box, at best you look like a fool, at worst you break your nose.

I now know how a 1 year old must feel when (s)he learns to walk.  With every ounce of energy you have you will your body to do something, and the body just doesn't move, or worse, says HELL NO!   So after many a beat staring at the box willing it to get shorter, my trainer says - try stepping up a few times.  So I did.  I finally looked around and made sure no one was paying attention and I jumped. 

WOAH!  I landed - ON THE BOX.  No one was more surprised than I was.  And then I did it again.  I promise you if it was an inch taller I would not have cleared it - I was coming that close - but I conquered the box, and it felt GOOD!

I was supposed to do 30 every round, and I probably manged about 10 per round and stepping up the rest, but I will no longer be tormented by the box.

This is a good day!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sunday, April 24 - So much to write about

Happy Easter!

I promise now to actually update more often.  It's been a whirlwind of activity here.

Push 511 Crossfit - I have never in my life, ok, not since High School, have I worked out this hard.  These are total body work outs that would scare even the fittest athletes.  At least I didn't cry this week!  Yes, last week I cried.  :-)

Body Back - loving the group of moms!  Everyone is super supportive.  I did learn a lesson though.  You can not eat a large heavy meal before you work out.  I actually threw up a bit.  yuck!  So I did not get a really great work out that day - I was just queezy the whole time.

Food - well, I was on a great start - had 4 straight days of really clean eating - then we were prepping for Dylan's birthday party, and it all went down hill fast.  I once again proved (and I really don't need to keep relearning this lesson) that failing to plan, is planning to fail.  I had a busy week, Greg was gone, didn't get a chance to go to the grocery store, and I was eating whatever was around - and usually not the healthy choices.

So once again, I feel like I'm starting over.  I'm so tired of starting over, but here I go again.  To make another good go of it.  Time to eat cleanly, and feel better.

Will check in to see how things are going tomorrow!!!!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

April 13, 2011 - So much to report, so little time

So it's been a week since my last post.  SOOOO much has happened.  Let's do the break down:

1)  I have had 2 Crossfit work outs at Baltimore's Push 511 - I cried during the first one.  Yes, real tears.  Luckily I was sweating so much that I don't think anyone noticed.  Funny, it wasn't from physical exhaustion, though I was feeling that, I think it was just some sort of emotional release.  I was grieving the body I once had and was feeling overwhelmed with how far my journey was going to be.

I love the community there already.  Today I was working really really hard, and still was last and struggling and one of the other coaches came over and was literally my personal cheering section.  It really helped me power through it.  The work outs are intense, but feel so good afterwards.  I've been working out with just machines for a long time and this is such a better way to do it!  Psyched for my next work out.

Oh, did I mention I overhead pressed 60 pounds!  :-)  That was as much as one of the trainers - granted she's half my size - literally - but she's crazy strong.  So I feel really good about that!

2)  I started the Spring Cleanse with The Baltimore Health Coach on Monday.  Since Monday I've had no caffeine, no sugar, no alcohol, no processed foods, no gluten, no dairy.  I, luckily, had an acupuncture treatment Monday morning and seem to have avoided all of my normal withdrawal symptoms.  I feel pretty good and have definitely noticed that I don't have as many mood fluctuations.  I also feel more "even" and despite Dylan getting out of control with his Terrible Two Tantrums, I've managed to not react as I normally would.

This is meant to go on for a week - but I need to make it a part of every day life - with maybe a weekend splurge once in a while.  I feel better and I'm sure it will pay off soon on the scale as well.

3)  We have a full group doing Body Back.  I am so excited to be bringing this program to Baltimore and to be participating in it. 8 weeks of moms supporting moms to really push themselves.  The first class starts on Tuesday.

That's it for now.  I will make a better effort to post more frequently. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

April 5, 2011 - Luckily friends are there for you

I, at least for a few more weeks, own Stroller Strides of Baltimore City.  I sent one of my instructors to get trained for a new boot camp program called Body Back.  We're both excited about it and she told me about one of the inspirational stories she heard:

in the San Diego class, the instructors have the participants bring in inspiration boards - pictures that inspire you.  One woman brought in a picture of her two sons on a Christmas card.  Farel talked to her about it and assumed it was her boys that were motivating her.  BUT, the woman explained that that was not actually the case.  She brought in the card b/c she was not on it.  She was too embarrassed to put herself on the Christmas card so her body back goal was to get on the Christmas card.  Later on after completing the program and probably others she brought in her new Christmas card that had not only a picture of her with the family but also her by herself - TWICE!!  Haha, she couldn't decide which one she liked better so she put both on!  :)

So, of course, I've now cried again over this.  I could have written it.  For the first time this past Christmas, I decided to not include the "family" in our Christmas photo shoot.  What that really translated into was "mommy is way too fat to have permanent record of it, so we'll just let the boys take the pictures this year."  My poor Dylan is 2, and there are probably LITERALLY 5 photos of me with him.  WTF!  My poor kid is not going to look back at his childhood pictures and understand that - he's likely going to assume he's victim of the "I'm a second child and no one bothered to take pictures."

So add another goal onto the list:

Be in and be excited about family Christmas photo shoot.  So if you all get a Christmas card with just me on it - you'll know what happened!  :-)

With that little inspirational story I remembered how great it was to reach out to friends and get support.  So that's what today's little project was. 

I am so blessed.  Despite my little disappearing act (I've managed to avoid all social occassions outside of Baltimore for over a year now - even my husband's grandmother thinks I hate her b/c I've been absent so long) when I've shared my struggles, and this journey with friends I've had an outpouring of support and kindness and well wishes. 

THANK YOU for not giving up on me and for reminding me to not give up on myself.


Monday, April 4, 2011

April 4, 2011 - Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail

Though I was very well aware of the fact that I had very little time to get Leo from school and leave for my Crossfit orientation at Push 511, I spent my afternoon working instead of planning and cooking a meal we can all eat.  So what happens, I get to Leo's school and I start realistically calculating the time it still takes us to get home, get a 2 and 4.5 year old into the house, and into the kitchen, and cook and eat and leave to get there on time -not going to happen.

So, what do I do, go to the McDonald's drive through.  :-(  Bad for kids, bad for me!

The good news is, as I was eating it - I thought - this isn't very good.  And all evening I've been feeling the digestive issues it's been causing.  Funny, how I never noticed that before.

Lesson learned - the hard way.

Tomorrow's dinner plan - homemade breaded chicken fingers and green beans.

Today wasn't all bad - I went grocery shopping and managed to say no thank you to all of those previously tempting junk foods.  So I will hang on to that win today.

But most importantly, I am SUPER excited about Crossfit.  I'm still a little scared, but alot of the intimidation is gone.  Though for the most part, my starting point is way below what the "goal" is, I was really afraid I wouldn't even have a starting point.  Meaning - I couldn't even perform a modified version of the exercise.  And today proved that I am still good at some of the skills - I'm a GREAT squater!  and there is a starting point for me for even the most intimidating pull up.  They had to pull out the seldom used heavy duty rubber band to get there, but I got a few in that way!  I felt good.

I came home feeling really positive. The people I met there were super nice and supportive.  I was among some very athletic people and never once did I feel judged or ridiculed.  I felt people were genuinely happy to help me making positive changes in my life.

I feel like the physical aspect of my journey is taken care of so to speak.  There is a plan.  It's supported and easily executed (in terms of getting there) and all I have to do is for one hour per day work my tail off.

For me, I need to get some more support with changing my food habits.  More to come on that.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

April 3, 2011 - The Assessment

Yesterday I had my BOD POD test.  It is this space ship like machine that is able to, according to the research, accurately measure your body fat % within a 1% margin.  To be honest, I’m still a little bit in shock.  I knew how much I weighed, and dispite successfully managing to avoid a mirror for the last year, I am aware of what I look like.  However, even that knowledge did not prepare me for the fact that my body fat % is 47.  Now, I’ve never been a skinny minny.  I was pretty fit in HS, and varied in college, and had my highs and lows as an adult, but I can assure you, even at my fattest days, I still hovered around 30% which was bad enough.  47% is just beyond comprehension.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I suppose this is my rock bottom and things can only improve from here.

I go for my first orientation at Baltimore’s Crossfit gym - Push 511 - and I am scared out of my  mind, but really looking forward to it.

I’ve also decided, that my first step in my nutrition plan is to eliminate simple sugars from my diet at least 5 days a week to start.  For me, at least right now, I don’t know that it’s realistic to go without a desert for a full week.  

I’m still letting it all sink in, but realize this journey is not only necessary for my happiness, and self-confidence, but really and truly for my health.  I knew that, but now the point has been hammered in.

March 31, 2011 - The Decision

Today I woke with a very strange thought - I have a 2 year old.  I have 2 sons, and my younger one turned 2 yesterday.  His name is Dylan and because his older brother liked calling him baby since he was born, we all started calling him Dyl-Baby.  But he is no longer a baby, but even more significantly, officially gone is the excuse that “I just had a baby.”  Let’s face it, that was probably gone 18 months ago, but I was holding on to it.

Over the last 2 years, my health - physical and mental - has been deteriorating.  Like with all vicious cycles, one bad move led to another which led to yet another, and here I am, weighing more than I did 10 months pregnant.

It’s truly a sad, and seemingly hopeless place to be.

Yet, I have been putting different things into place to start a new vicious cylce - this time one that will yield positive results.  I am on this journey for as long as it takes to get healthy and happy.

Here is what I have done so far:

1)  Sell my business - for me, it was a successful business, but too much of a distraction as I focused too much time and energy there, and not enough (ok, none at all) on myself
2)  Joined Crossfit - PUSH 511 Baltimore - for an intense, and I’m sure rewarding 6 months.  I’ve already lined up child care, so I’m ready to go.  No excuses!
3)  I’m having my first full body assessment on Saturday, April 2 - scary.......  but must be done
4)  I have begun the journey to work with a couple of doctors to address the medical issues that I’ve been having
5)  I will work with a nutritionist to help me overcome some of my “obstacles” of healthy eating
6)  Committed to writing about my journey at least weekly
7)  Committed to publicly sharing my goals and progress over this journey - no pressure, right?

My goals:

1)  Be good to myself and make time to get healthy
2)  Be a great mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend
3)  Limit unnecessary distractions that would keep me from goals 1-2
4)  Learn to and start eating well again
5)  Push my self physically beyond my perceived limits 5-6x per week
6)  Lose at least 70 pounds of fat - stretch goal 6 months; goal 8 months
7)  Do 1 unassissted pull up before 2011 is over